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I know this is a very 12-year-old thing to do, but I am performing a mass exodus on my friends list.  A friend cut, if you will.

It's a privacy thing, really.  I just want to know who's reading my journal.  Alright?  Alright.  Good talk.

Even Google is Celebrating!

Google 8th Birthday
....in case there was ever any doubt that the world revolves around me, haha.

p.s. Come to my house at 9, bitches.  Don't bring anyone we don't know.

I just wanna fly..

I survived Toronto!  As it turns out you CAN show up in a random town with nowhere to sleep and no way home.

It goes a little something like this...
What a random/sketchy/impulsive/completely wonderful day.

a moment of happiness

I have a part-time job interview!   *dances*

And I'm going to Toronto tomorrow!!  *starts skanking*

And I'm late for class!  *prances off*

Something Epiphanic

I've been thinking a lot about the concept of living intentionally.  This could be because of the 3000-word email one of my campers sent me dealing with the topic, or the fact that I've reverted to my early high school tendencies of analysing everything and everyone, or hey- maybe I'm just smoking too much pot.  Regardless, I've decided that it sucks.  I hate living intentionally.  I hate planning out every move and every moment as though life is some kind of rubick's cube that I have to solve.  Life is like 'LIFE', you make your decisions on a whim and accept whatever you get beause you know you're going to end up in Country Estates anyways and the best parts of the trip are going to be those stupid things you did along the way like walking your dog or taking a picnic that somehow make you capable of winning a nobel prize.   Truth be told, I never quite understood that part of the game. 

So I'm going to start living intentionally unintentionally.  Kind of counter-productive, I know, but it's not like I can just turn off the analytical part of my brain.  I can only hope to lure it into submission with copious amounts of frivolity and stupid decisions.   Yes, that's right, I'm rejecting this so-called maturity that Future Quest has seemed to thrust upon me.  I refuse to go back to analysing everything and trying to make the world work for me like I did in grade 10.  Because I'd rather be a bum on the street having the time of her life than a world-renowned artist who can't sleep at night.

I need to get out of this.  I need to do something random and stupid.  So I'm going to Toronto on Friday.  Does anyone want to come?

My new favorite word

jade2, jad‧ed, jad‧ing.
1. a worn-out, broken-down, worthless, or vicious horse.
2. a disreputable or ill-tempered woman.
–verb (used with object), verb (used without object)
3. to make or become dull, worn-out, or weary, as from overwork or overuse.

I like this word.  We are now friends.  And the manipulations of the word (jadish, jadishley, jadishness) only make it more fun.

Paul Griffin’s 4 laws of life (plus 4 of my own)
1. You already have enough friends.
2.  People are stupid.
3.  Men are pigs.
4.  Women are completely insane.

5.  Girls are prettier without makeup.  (guys could use some eyeliner every now and then)
6.  Don’t buy anything if you don’t know where it came from.
7.  Sleeping and showering are essential.  Never go more than three days without them.
8.  Sex and love are two different things.

That's right, you know you love them.  Go ahead and add a few of your own.  And never forget the origional four, whose pretty basic logic has saved me many of times.

Alright, that's all I've got.  Plus a picture!

fuck the pain away

My mind's everywhere these days.  Can't quite word it.  And I don't exactly have time, since I still don't have internet at my place.  We were supposed to get our phone today, but it's not on yet.  My mattress too.  Fuck the starving kids in africa, I don't have a phone, internet OR a place to sleep tonight.  Give me your money.

I'm kind of looking foreward to school starting, but kind of enjoying just bumming around my house.  I got my room all pretty today.  Made curtains.  Hooked up my Brian Kinney imitation lighting.  It was kind of fun.  Who needs school when you have a drill and a pretty room?  Starting to get antsy about this sublet business...I should really start talking to people again.  But I can't really make myself care right now.

There are couples EVERYWHERE these days!  Has anyone noticed?  Like...really...everyone I see is either holding hands or kissing.  It makes me wonder how many are in love and how many just don't want to be alone.  I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything...i really don't....but if everyone's in relationships these days how am I going to find any single guys???  It is becoming a serious problem.

I was rummaging through my bookshelves before moving here and I found The Book of Nothing, a zen meditation book I'd bought for Alan a few years ago.  Inside I wrote something cheesy like 'I won't be around this Christmas but I'll still love you' and one of the meditations.  Let life be.  Do not will it to go faster or slower, but enjoy the journey.  I think in all my years, with all the advice I didn't follow and all the people I didn't listen to, this is the one thing I actually got good at. 

And it made me think of my new favorite song:  (because everything makes you think of your favorite song)
You always stole all my last words. Here's no exception then, one more for me to send. And nothing happens in the end. I'm thinking of you less, more concerned... and more is less, I guess it doesn't matter now. Maybe we'll never go insane. You always said we would, sometimes I wished we could with you lying naked in the rain and singing Boney M, cutting down all our old friends. I talk to them again now. So here's the last one I have left. We fell a little deep, I watched you fall asleep. And nothing happens in the end, but I remember when I could remember when. Seems like a long time ago.

Our song...

I did my pre-school haircut today, and it is REALLY short.  I mean...I think the guy got all scissor-happy because we were having a good conversation and he didn't want to stop.  Can you imagine?  An actual CONVERSATION with a hair-dresser?  Not just small talk, I mean deep personal analysis and theological debate (and the occiasional making fun of my inability to cut my own hair).   Nevertheless, it was good times...even though I now look like a trend whore.  I don't know when 'red highlights' became 'blonde streaks', but I don't really care since I don't have roots anymore. 

While I was there the radio played this song, and I awwed to myself and then had to explain how I worked at God Camp and one of my participants was rediculously adorable and played this song on his record player every night and sang along.  And then we sang along together, and all the stuffy people at the hair salon gave us dirty looks.  Priceless.

I looked out this morning and the sun was gone
Turned on some music to start my day
I lost myself in a familiar song
I closed my eyes and I slipped away

Its more than a feeling, when I hear that old song they used to play (more than a feeling)
I begin dreaming (more than a feeling)
till I see marianne walk away
I see my marianne walkin away

So many people have come and gone
Their faces fade as the years go by
Yet I still recall as I wander on
As clear as the sun in the summer sky

Its more than a feeling, when I hear that old song they used to play (more than a feeling)
I begin dreaming (more than a feeling)
till I see marianne walk away
I see my marianne walkin away

When Im tired and thinking cold
I hide in my music, forget the day
And dream of a girl I used to know
I closed my eyes and she slipped away
She slipped awa y. she slipped away.

Its more than a feeling, when I hear that old song they used to play (more than a feeling)
I begin dreaming (more than a feeling)
till I see marianne walk away
I see my marianne walkin away

sigh...good times...  (ignore the sweatiness...this was right after the toga party)
*Looks dejectedly at Robyn*